?

Log in

No account? Create an account
you never knew how much it killed me inside [entries|friends|calendar]
Liz

[ website | my forum i made it rocks awesomely ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(show me that you care)

ug [20 Oct 2004|09:23pm]
arg im failing math and my mom is realy pissed. and she doesnt know that everyon is failing math and if itell her that she wont believe me so im screwed and now im grounded again. so i cant go on the computer or aim orwhatch tv or go out at allor have freinds over or use the phone, or listen to music

(1 people dont | show me that you care)

[18 Oct 2004|05:30pm]
ok so here is what i did today.


i did my eyeline really kewl but i smeared it and i didnt notice so it looked bad. whatever

1st period. band. kinda boring, flute sucks forever
2nd-scienc, 2 periods. i sucked ass. we watched a video that was so boring.
4th period. lunch, boring
5th- math. mrs barnes was anoyed by my eyeliner. hehe
6th. so boring writers workshope. it is so boring. anway yeah i missed half the period cos mrs gonzalez wanted to 'meet me' hehe she thinks i am troubled.
7th english. twas boring
8th. spanish. boring
9th- usually i like social ctudies cos mr wiz is entertaingand wasted half the period telling jokes and stuff. but today we whatched a movie about some boring stuff.
then i went home. wast today riveting

(show me that you care)

[05 Oct 2004|07:51pm]
ok so my day was fun i guess

1st period. band. icky but whatever. i saw mr titcome angry today cos people would not shut up

2nd science.... ... ... ... so borring

3rd science again... ... ... arent i special

4th... lunch, SOMEONE THREW A SANDWICH AT US

5th ... nothing happened

6th... writing workshop. mr she man


i need to get dinner now . i will finish this later

(show me that you care)

they say that space is thefinal frotier but it is made in a hollywood basement [03 Oct 2004|07:17pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i feel blah
not much to report, other that im a muse today
im in my i-hate-the-world stage. so whatch out. im feeling emo. i wish i was in my garage jamming with lizzy and/or gunnar like i could be if i dodnt have to go upstate
im bored. the little things dont amuse me anymore

i have spent 6 hours in the car going over the script of alice and wonderland trying to find whats it is all about. so i cut corners and said that
"she is dreaming about her life without rules and it doesnt come out as good as she had hoped. she wants everything to be unexpliained like most politicians do. the queen wants to have everything her way and will kill people to get it, just like the world i know.the chesire cat is the guide who will not make sense. it wants to guide you any posible way . only to get you there quikly , not to consider theaffects of its guiding, just like the world i know. the rabit is supposed to be the world. just speeding past not explaining anything and trying to use your curiosity to lure you closer."

i have more but my hand is tired

(show me that you care)

obscurity in its polution [30 Sep 2004|08:22pm]
do i hear the screems of aging insects
do i hear the howls of of superiority
can you stop it as it nears the bend
can you hear the plain inferiority

as the withered enter
come back strong
you say you are
you say you dont belong

polution it cleans
your word are filth
upon the screen
of your technological advance

the reality is
your all the same bug on the windshield
your all the same pixel in the portrait
all the same blood in an elevator







think about it

(show me that you care)

argyle socks make handsome pets [30 Sep 2004|08:15pm]
i dont know anything anymore. ug i feel so unloved right now. i dont have any friends , i do have a select few, but they probably want to be rid of me asap. so yeah iom gunna go into town tomorow, if you want to unexpectadly meet me there i would be happy. i feel so blah, like i dont even feel sad i feel empty. only those who have felt it before could really understand, but i guess everyone has felt it before

hmm


where you there
waiting at the door when i came
were you sitting in the kitchen
were you up asleep in bed
were you watching from the window
were you not even there at all

you say that i feel depressed
that i have lost my way
that i dont know the future

but i know it only too well

it is you who doesnt know the dismality of life



novacation is the key

(1 people dont | show me that you care)

[29 Sep 2004|07:02pm]
ok so heres what i have dont since sunday. i went into the city . bla blah bla you all now what else happened. i came back . bill and hanna were outside babysitting some of the little kids on my street so i hung out with them and that was fun but bill kept strangling me but then he told me i wasnt anoying and that was the height of my day.... well not really. and then monday i went to school. and then on tuesday i went to schol and then went to aris house to give him photoshop and i fell on my ass walking down 6th street inthe rain. so yeah i went into school again today and it was boring/

1st period/ blew my lungs out in band and got a headache
2nd/ had science. ehh boring
3rd/science again
4th/ lunch which was hilarios cus we found so many great ways to cal robbie an ass munch
5th/math ehh boring but me and gunner were cracking up about rob
6th/ had writers workshop where i red about pizza. i got hungry ... mmmm vegan pizza is the shizzle
7th/ english and colby bugged me about steak and outher animal murder
8th/ spanish. gotto listen to mrs tobin put on a fake accents and say "what is a joogador go doit"
9th/ soc studies. ehh we got to take noted and i had to do that school changes thingy in a group with patric busch in it so he ruined everything. ug i hate him
then i stayed after school and micheal rivera and jono and andrew came up and talked to me and i was scared cos they were treating me like i was thier friend and i was running for the hills.
i havenooooooo life/ at all/ i need to do something im so bored. if anyone wants ot go into town or sometihng with me i have no life so im always free. im just sopooooooooooo bored

(1 people dont | show me that you care)

my spacebar key wont work...... arg, and im sick [26 Sep 2004|09:56am]
[ mood | ehh ]

ok so im inn my dad,s shop right now. in the city. i was supoes to be here with maggie and pascal but maagie blew it off and i had caught pascals cold. ug. whatever. so on friday i wentinto town cus i was supposed to go to pascals house but then i had to goto a thereapist. who aid that i have an eatingdisorder andsum other meaningless crap. so then i went intotown which i dont usually do anymore. cus everyone is anoying andmeannow, but poeplewho dont usually come into town did which was "da bomb" andso me and pascal and celina and cramer and rachel g and issac, and ari, martin, nick, sum girl called sam, and i think that was it. o and graham. and so yeah me and then hung out for a while and then some of u went down to th peir and some of us left and then me and ari and graham and pascal ent to backdoor which had sum screemo in it and it was really loud. THEY HAD PANKACES. hehe they made my hands sticky. ok so then me and pascal wentbackintotown and then walkked home and she was all. omg im sick and wearing only a tshirt andu had ajacket you must give it to me. ... bitch... ... haha jk. and anyway yeah so i froza my assof and then i sleptover at her house and we went our again and again she was all you must give me your jacket cosi am sick. and i was all like. it is my ****in jacket . it isnt my fault you didnt bringone. but then i gave her my jacket again and she wouldnt give it back. ok so then int he morning i went home and i was really tored which is weird cus usually ima n insominac. but anyway so i slep until about 10. and then i had oto go apple picking... which was tiring but fun . and then i was supposed to dye my hair with lizzy. and then have maggie sleep over but they both cancelled. and then i was pissed. and theni went to sleep. it was like 4. and then i woke up for dinner and i had a headache and a sore throaght and my nose was stuffed up and my tummy hurt. so yeah i froze my ass off and caught her cold, and got allmy friends blowing me off on crap. dont i feel special . so i slept on my sofa last night cus i fell asleep in front of the tv. and now my back hurts. but anyway so i woke up and went into the city (alone cough maggie cough cough) and now im waiting formy dad to get back so i can go shopping. so yeah im pissed and bored. but i cant really complain




if you are stilll reading this.... ... ... you have no life

(1 people dont | show me that you care)

another angry rant [25 Sep 2004|10:30am]
[ mood | I HATE EVERYONE ]

ok this isnt fo rall off you... so dont take offense unles you know who you are


ok ahem

YOUR ALL A BUCNH OF FUCKING LITTLE SHITS. WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. ok this isnt just about pascal or me... it is about everyone. WE OBVIOSLY DONT HAVE HIGH SELF ESTEEM. DONT MAKE IT FUKING WORSE BY MAKING FUN OF POEPLE. IT IS SUCH A STUPID FUCKING THIG TO DO. IM SO ANGRY AT ALL OF YOU. YOU SAY SICK THINGS. AND THEN PEOPLE GET EVEN MORE FUCKING DEPRESSED. AND THEN THEY KILL THEMSELVES. AND THEN YOUR ALL LIKE O IT WANT MY FAULT. YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND IT IS EVERYONES FAULT. YOU PEOPLE GO AROUND MAKING FUN OF PEOPOLE AND YOU THINK IT JUST ROLLS OFF THIER FUCKING BACKS. WELL IT DOESNT SO STOP BEING FUCKING RETARDS. IM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW.I DONT UNDERSTAND Y YOU DO IT EITHER. WHATS THE FUCKING POINT. IS IT JUST FOR YOUR FUCKING AMUSEMENT. YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LITTLE SHITS. WHY DO YOU DO IT. IT IS SO FUCKING RETARDED. SURE IFEEL ALONE. AND I AM PISSED AT EVERYONE. BUT THEIR ARE SO MANY POEPLE WHO HAVE IT SO MUCH WORSE, AND YOU MAKE FUN OF THEM LIKE YOU DONT FUCKING CARE THAT IT IS SO FUCKING PAINFUL YOU WOULDNT FUCKING BELIEVE IT. IT HURTS MORE THAN ANYTHING AND IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT PEOPLE ARE CONVINCED THAT THIS CURRENT LIFE IS HELL COS NOTHING COULD BE WORSE. AND YOU KNOW IT HURTS THEM, AND THEN YOU DO IT MORE. O MY GOD I HATE ALL OF YOU. EXEPT FOR THE SELECT FEW THAT WILL JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE. WE DONT ACT DIFERENT FOR FUCKING ATENTION. WE ACT DIFERENT SO YOU WILL LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE. I HATE LIFE. I DONT KNOW HOW PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL/. YOU WOULD FUCKING HATE IT IF YOU WERE SOME OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW. HERE YOU ARE LIVING IN YOUR PEACFUL LITTLE WORLD, BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF HOW YOUR STUPID LITTLE COMMENTS COULD KILL SOMEONE. im not saying my lafe is hell, but i kno alot of people who it is for them so FUCKING LEAVE THEM ALONE.



UG I HATE AL OF YOU . I DONT UNDERSTAND IT. HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT THE GUILT THAT I AM SEEING HERE. IT IS SO FUCKING RETARDED.
U ALL SHOULD DIE

(show me that you care)

[19 Sep 2004|10:24am]
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/afi002.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/av-259.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/Hunter744-vi.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/Hunter070404-vi.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/AFI203.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/AFI206.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/Jadebeotch-vi.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/1069386665_ngsets_lol.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/teenag3deathgir1/afi/12.jpg[/IMG]

(show me that you care)

and shes buying her stairway to heaven [18 Sep 2004|02:12pm]
ok so the past few days have been fun... even though i am in a state of uselessness right now which sucks ... it is embarasing, anyway, hmm the last five hours have been utter chaos due to my clumsieness. im coming out of it now though. so anyway. i went to gunnars house with lizzy p for about 5 hours on thursday and i brought my suck-ass guitar and yeah and that was fun. and then i played murder in the dark on my street with the stupid 7 year old abercrombie-ers including criss and nick who are in 6th grade with surprises me because they are more immature than ever. but whetevr. and then on friday i went into the city with my mom and i got to roam soho for 5 hours alone, which was fun, i got a patch and these pink rubber bracelets that actually do break... wonderful..what is pink anyway... i dont know... so then i went into this clothing store wich was really surreal, it was all white and everything was on racks organised in rows and it was wierd coase there were like 50 17 yearolds in there and they just sat there and watched you, they were modeling, and they were real people... not those dummy thingys. and it was soo wierd. and the i went to barnes and noble.. hehe im a bookworm... and then i went bakc to my moms shop............. and then i went home, so this morning . so i woke up and stuff tihs morning and i was all disorieted cos my crtains and shades were closed and the power was out and my family is not farmi;liar with the newfound technology that is a portable wrist watch... and so i had no clue what the hell time it was. and my brother was shoguting gibberish in the other room and i had no clue what it was. and soi forgot how to open the shades in my state of uselesness, and my room is a trash dump so i kept tripping on clothes and books and stuff. and it was very sureal. and then pinkfloyd came onthe radio cos of my alarm clock. the power had come on and all the lights went on. and you know pink floyd is all wierd in the beging . so yeah. it was wierd. so now im sitting at the computer listening to pink floyd and led zep and the eagels

(3 people dont | show me that you care)

i feel lost in [11 Sep 2004|09:00am]
ug i hate people. someone. i wont use names. cough rachel lapidis cough cough
ok so i went to the footbal game yesterday... i dont know why. so anyway i started hanging out with joanna and coincedently she was hanging with amelia and samantha and rachel l. ok after a while she said. "why do you hang out in this group'"
and then i said "i dont know, why do you"
and then she said "why do u feel the need to hang out with peopole who are anoyed by you" then i said,"gee thats a wonderful thing to hear" sarcasm cough. and then she said"well people tell me things and then i express their views." its like i didnt say i was anoying enough, so i had to have someone tell it to me. ug i hate everything right now. people suck, i hate evrything. i wish i wasnt me. i hate it. i hate everything. i dont even kno if people who say they are my friends are not just pretending to be my friend or behind my back going, "omg did you see what sh did , that was hilarios. i wish she would stop following me." as i know some do. i wish the y would tell me so i wouldnt have to try anymore and just accept the fact that everyone hates me and i may as well not bother.






i feel horrible











































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































ug

(show me that you care)

we are the non conformists vive le difference [29 Aug 2004|10:28pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

ok during the past few days blahblahblah i realized tht i suck out loud and am re-inventing myself
whatever
im straight egde and have been for the past month, if you dont like it, send me some hate mail and then go fuck yourself
if you hate me i am happy for you
this yer i will be diferent, i have plans, i wil not conform at all. you will all procede to laugh behind my back, as i will about you. i will wear eyeliner even if i do it badly and look uglier than i already am. i will listen to af. and you will like it. i will not talk to you, and you will like it, and if you dont like it, then send me some hate mail and then go fuck yourself.


i will procede to not listen to you.

dont question me

we are the non conformists, do not laugh at us, we ae already laughing at you

(4 people dont | show me that you care)

[26 Aug 2004|07:34pm]
make a list of the 50 things you hate


1 myself
2 you
3 love
4 fear
5 certain people
6 paul mac
7 avril lavigne
8 people who say afi is pop
9 people who say hillary duff is punk
10 bush
11 republicans
12 little kids
13 old people
14 hip hop
15 people who post mean commments on ppls ljs
16 people who say god hates fags
17 homophobics
18 pink and black
19 drugs as they are a huge waste of time
20 death
21 spoiled brats
22 people who are pro war
23 people say silverchair is like hanson
24 people who insult the almighty davey
25 people who insult anything afiliated with AFI
26 people who insult anything affiliated with silverchair
27 people who this avril is hardcore punk for ever
28 poeple who dont understand the meaning of punk
(it is a specific genre, inclding, the misfits, joy division, jane's addiction, anti flag, etc, some people seem to believe avril is punk cus she wears a tie and shit, . yesm, sheis of the rock sub groub, but not punk)
29 tanning
30 the sun
31paper cuts
32 people who kill ants with magnifying glasses
33 the number 6
34 myself
35 rap
36 people who think that black eyes peas are rock and roll
37 people who judge
i will finish this later

(3 people dont | show me that you care)

where were you today? [26 Aug 2004|07:21pm]
GOD WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF, WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND NOT BE SUCH AN UGLY LOSER. I HATE MYSELF, AND EVERYONE ELSE DOES TOO, AND I DONT BLAME THEM,IL PROABLY GO DIE AND THEN YOU WOULD ALL BE HAPPY THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE, AND THEN EVERYONE GETS PISSED OFF WHEN I DONT TELL THEM WHAT IS WRONG, I WOULD IF THEIR ONLY ADVICE WAS "O IT IS JUST A PHASE" OR"SUCK IT UP AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF" EVEN IF THIS IS A PHASE , IT IS REALLY FUKING PAINFUL. BUT I PROBABLY DESERVE THAT ADVICE.
AND I HAVE HEARD IT FROM EVERYONE I HAVE EVER ASKED ACCEPT PASCAL , AND SHE IS LIKE THE GREATEST FRIEND EVER AND IDONT DESERVE HER AS A FREIND AND I AM A BURDEN ON EVERYONES LIFE. AND EVERYONE SHOULD FUCKING HATE ME


i dont deserve your pity

(1 people dont | show me that you care)

today, another meaningless event after another [20 Aug 2004|11:18pm]
[ mood | yayayayayayay ]

ok so today wuz ok i guess, i had to babysit sum stupid kids, for 6 hours, and itook them into town, and i only got $20, well at least i got sum money and im sleepin over at passcalliiiiz house, tis the shizzle. omg speaking of shizzles i wuz in town earlier and i axxitendly nudged sum girl , she had an attidude omg. she wuz like "uh... excuse u," in that way you know. and i wuz like, o im sorry and she wuzall like,"o u got sumthin to say bitch, ill cut u." so me and pascal and hannah and jordan and her friend stephanie just ran and jordan kept telling us that they were running aftr us and smart us we went to memorial park at nmight which is not a good idea and we were soooo scared. well other then that twaspretty uneventful, other than at the pier me and hannah and pascal and stephani e were like begging matt to jump off , we were gunna give him ten dollars and uor virginity and we were gunna spread rumors that he was good in bed, hehe. omg and there were two dogs copulating in town, fiercly, and pascal was very turned on.ok and that is bout it, im guna eat ramen , cus im the shizzle
mad props to my homies, fershiznit

(2 people dont | show me that you care)

its time to eat your match [08 Aug 2004|10:21pm]
ok im at the hotel now, and imobobobobrrredd

sumbody get ur ass online, or i will eat you

i may just eat you newayz

(show me that you care)

the winds only turn when you are at the beach [06 Aug 2004|04:28pm]
wow
im halfway shocked and amazed, i have been in conneticut n stuff and everything hppens when im gone. i dotn want to say anything until i get home when my parents arnt reading over my shoulder, i just dont know what to say, i didnt hate him, i sorta thought him as a friend and these things only happen when u least expect things to, i really think he will be re-encanated into something hed rather be, and he will be happier in a next life

(2 people dont | show me that you care)

[23 Jul 2004|05:36pm]
i would like to do more entries. but then i thought
nobody cares. y put up my poems, cus nobody is gunna even comment on them, they dont care . i dont blame ppl for not careing. i am a moping bag of waste. all i ever do is whine about how ugly and anoying and stupid and ohw nobody wants to be around me. im doin it right now. but nobody cares, and really i wouldnt care about it either. i dont deserve my friends. i apreciate it so much and in the end i dont deserve it, i dont help any1, i dont make anything better. and i spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. o well i guess i will shut up now

finnaly

(show me that you care)

[21 Jul 2004|11:56am]
ok i havnt entried in a while cusi hav been doin other shit
okl ithink i might get a new friends only one so i can tlk about certain [ppl bein btches cccccya

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]